Happy New Year BostonMan! As we know, I enjoy writing about topics that are upbeat and bring positivity. Hence, I am going to put a positive spin on a topic that can breed negativity.
Unfortunately, I have had multiple pictures of mine stolen and placed on various social media platforms to create fake profiles.
One of my friends said to me, “Well, that is horrible, but once you have jealous haters that means you made it in life.”
Alas, I am inclined to agree with her. Lately we live in a society where successful, well-liked, and admired people attract “haters.” What is a hater? The dictionary defines the word “hater” as “a person who thrives on showing hate, criticizing, or belittling other people or things; someone who can’t be happy for someone else’s success.”
The pandemic forced many of us to spend more time at home, which also gave people time to scroll social media on a more frequent basis; judging and analyzing the lives of others.
Usually, a person defined as a “hater” has a targeted person they dislike. He or she may discredit, devalue, or downplay their target’s success. A hater can be anonymous, an acquaintance, a peer, or even a friend or family member.
The negativity towards their target is usually repeated over time, and the nastiness can be delivered in person, on line, or via texts. The actions of the “hater” often trigger anger and hurt in the target and the person may even start to question their self-worth and behavior.
Psychologically, the target may start to become introverted in order to avoid the negative feedback.
Thinking back to my adolescence, I was someone who was in the “popular” crowd. I was intelligent and worked hard in school, and I was always kind. In other words, I was not a hater.
When other “popular” girls acted like they did not like me or were mean to me, it used to bother me and I would become anxious and upset despite my high level of self-esteem and confidence. Haters tend to do that to you. They mess with your level of self-confidence and play tricks on your brain. As I got older and wiser I started to realize that a “hater’s” comments are a reflection of them not me; most of their actions usually fueled by jealousy and contempt.
So how do you deal with a hater?” BostonMan Publisher Matt Ribaudo has anointed me as the “Boston Carrie Bradshaw” and we know Carrie and the girls always have the answers!
Sex and the City recently debuted a reboot of the orginal hit series titled And Just Like That. The reboot follows Charlotte, Carrie, and Miranda as they transition as friends from their 30s to 50s.
If you have not watched the original series (or need a quick recap) of their character traits here is a brief synopsis:
Carrie is creative, daring, impulsive, and dependable.
Miranda is ambitious, logical, cynical and head-strong.
Charlotte is positive, idealistic, Type-A, organized and sensitive.
Samantha, who was on the original series for years but is not on the reboot, is blunt, fiery, confident, and adventurous.
How would Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha handle haters? Here is my take on how each of their personalities is beneficial to dealing with negative people in life:
Carrie once reflected, “And why is it that we can see our friends perfectly, but when it comes to ourselves, no matter how hard we look, we don’t ever see ourselves clearly.”
Sometimes, people have a hard time looking at themselves in a positve light, even though they are constantly encouraging their friends and loved ones. Try to find something positive about yourself each day, no matter how small, to remind yourself that you are special.
Samantha once proclaimed, “If I worried about what everyone in NYC was saying about me I’d never leave the house.”
My mother used to always tell me when I was younger and more anxious not to care about what people say because they will be talking about someone else instead next week. This may be one of my favorite quotes from Samantha. I often give advice to my son along these lines. Remember: it is ONLY their opinion. And their opinion does not pay your bills so does it really matter at all? They are not losing sleep over you, so you should not lose sleep over them.
Miranda once stated, “I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it.”
That is exactly what everyone should do. Celebrate your achievements. People work hard and no one should make someone feel guilty for following their dreams.
Charlotte once observed, “I’m pretty and I’m smart. I’m a catch.”
Charlotte has self-love. Everyone needs to have self-love so they can face adversity and negativity and rise above it.
Remember some people thrive off the failure of others. It makes them happy in a twisted way. With that said, here is my eight point “Sex and the City Countering Negativity” plan combining the characteristics of each of the girls. This is guaranteed to always keep you a step ahead of the haters!
- Block out these people as much as you can.
- Be kind.
- Always stay in control of your emotions.
- Do not let others bring you down.
- Stick with your supporters.
- Be your authentic self.
- Move forward.
- Pursue your interests.
When you shine, many people will “find” problems with you. Just shine brighter. Negative people make you grow. If you have to cry, then cry, but pick yourself up and become stronger.
You are a success story, a trendsetting, trailblazer who leads and conquers. Adversity teaches us great life lessons. Keep your eyes on the road and stay grounded After all, the final proof of greatness lives in being able to endure criticism without resentment.
And Just Like That all of the haters will disappear.
Tiffany Giannato is a mother, fashionista, stylist, and shopping addict! Her blogs, pictorials, and fashion tips are aimed towards empowering both women and men to look and feel their best regardless of age. Her “you can be as trendy at 61 as you were at 21” mantra has taken Boston by storm! A true Italian, Tiffany believes family, love, food, and style are always the keys to happiness!