Say Gerv? Is it possible to love two women at the same time?
Mark, Newtown, MA
(Editor’s Note: Swerve is Gervase’s perhaps slightly more cynical alter ego)
Gervase: Mark, no you can’t love two women at the same time. Your confidant, drinking buddy, cards partner, sounding board, best friend is the woman you love. The one woman you love, but we need to clarify this in two ways. First, you need to add one word before love and that word is true. True love is something that would make you do anything for your woman, go to the ends of the earth for your woman and love only one woman. It’s so strong that another woman couldn’t even factor into the equation. Yes I know you can love two of a lot of things and people will use that to argue their point, but let’s not confuse emotions with love or sex with love. You can be emotionally connected to two women and vested in them. That emotional connection can feel like love, but it’s not. You can have sex with two women and that always gets mistaken as love, but it’s not. Second, is being in love. Being in love with a woman feels different. It’s so powerful you could be at a party with women who are prettier, funnier and sexier than your woman, but it doesn’t matter because they are not YOUR woman. That’s what being in love feels like. You recognize all the other women in the room, but no matter what, they can’t hold a candle to your woman.
Swerve: Mark yes you can love two women at the same time. I loved more than that before, but that’s just me. You see the simple reason is both women do different things for you that the other one doesn’t. I was in love with two women, Denise and Jennifer. Denise loved the movies, the bar and partying. Jennifer loved sports, the outdoors and nights on the couch. They were total opposites and that’s what I loved about them. I know what you’re thinking. Why not just find one woman with both their qualities? Well if I did she would have been the perfect woman and I’m sorry to break this to you Mark, but there is no such thing. They are a myth. Kind of like a unicorn, you always hear about them, but you never see them. Take this quick test. Look across the room at your beautiful wife/girlfriend. Do you love her? (I’ll assume your answer is yes). Does she do everything that you like or love? (I didn’t think so). I bet she does something that makes you say to yourself, “Damn, why couldn’t she be more like (insert name of your crush)”. And that’s my point. Different women bring out different emotions in you. You connect with every woman differently. You love every woman differently and that’s why you can love more than one…or two…or three.
Nick, Winchester, MA
Nick, you should definitely talk to your mother in law about this. Don’t just accept this behavior. There is a reason why she doesn’t like you and you should find out what that reason is. I dated a girl whose mother didn’t talk to me for the first four years we dated. When we finally sat down to talk about it, the reason I thought she didn’t like me wasn’t her reason for not liking me. So I was mad at her for not liking me for a reason that wasn’t the reason she didn’t like me from the beginning (yes, that just made sense. Read it again…See I told you so). Nick, have you ever seen the show Three’s Company? It was one of the greatest comedies on TV. Every episode was about a misunderstanding or bad communication. Jack would overhear Chrissy and Janet talking, but not get the whole conversation so he would think one thing when that was not the case. By the end of the episode everything would come together and everybody was happy. My situation was like one of those episodes. Yours could be too. I’m sure when you two are together it’s a little uncomfortable for you and everyone else. Also think about how this is making your wife feel. She loves you and she loves her mother too. She’s caught in the middle. By having a simple conversation with your mother in law you can clear all this up and maybe even find a mutual respect for each other. Hell, you may even find out you love each other. Now think about all the fun you’ll be having at the family functions. Plus you can look forward to the day she moves in with you and you get to pay her back. We always forgive Nick, but we never forget. (Insert sinister laugh here).
Tom, Belmont, MA
Tom, first my condolences. We all know a dog is man’s best friend. If you don’t want another dog then stick to your guns and don’t get another dog. My cousin Toby was in this same situation and his wife said the same thing and she got another dog. And do you know who ended up watching, cleaning, and dealing with the dog? That’s right, Toby. When his wife went to work during the day, Toby was home taking care of the dog. Women have a need to want to replace things to fill a void. Men can just move on. So what you need to do is sit the wife down and let her know if she gets a dog then she will be taking care of it. Express this to her so it’s clear that your dog days are over. If she still wants to get a dog then so be it, but let’s keep it real. You know you’ll be taking care of the dog so you might as well just accept that fact and pick a cool name for your new dog like Zeus, Groot or Tank. Hey, remember this…a dog is man’s best friend. Bow wow wow yippe yo yippe ya!!
Gervase Peterson was a cast member on the reality series “Survivor” and is an actor and entrepreneur. He keeps busy fulfilling personal appearance requests and speaking engagements across the country.