Say Gerv? I want to take the family on vacation, but my wife overspends on dumb stuff. How can I get her to slow down so I can enjoy my time off on a beach instead of in my living room?
Vince, Belmont, MA
Vince, come up with a plan and explain it to the family. Break it down by giving everyone a job to do to help contribute to the family vacation.
Let the kids know they’ll have to cut out the trips to McDonalds and eat at home. Tell the wife she has to cut her expenses down, so she can do what she loves to do on vacation, spending money. You’ll stop going to the bar or strip joint or whatever your vice is too and the dog can’t have any more chew toys.
This way with a goal in mind no one will want to be the one who stops the family from going on vacation.
It’s a great lesson to teach the family about sacrificing now for the reward later. Now everyone is held accountable for their part and you’ve just killed two birds with one stone. You’ve cut the wife’s spending down (for now) and you get to be buried up to your neck in the sand while the kids kick it in your face.
Enjoy!
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Say Gerv? My wife doesn’t understand how much work I do as a stay-at-home dad. She doesn’t respect that I’m an equal partner. Any suggestions on how I can get her to understand that my job is important to this family too?
Dennis, Medford, MA
Dennis, it’s always hard for people to understand, appreciate and respect things they haven’t experienced themselves. No matter how much you explain it to them they still just don’t get it. So why not let your wife enjoy a day in the life of Dennis the Menace.
Plan on taking the weekend off and enjoy a mini vacation. When she gets home from work on Friday let her know she’s officially on the clock for stay-at-home mom duties. It’s all on her to take care of everything.
Now you can’t be apprehensive about it or start to micromanage what she’s doing. You can’t tell her things like that’s not how you load the dishwasher, that’s not how the baby likes his sandwich made. Your wife won’t do things your way, but that’s ok as long as she gets the job done. Not only will she have a newfound respect for the job you do, but she might even be surprised at how much she enjoyed it herself. Then you guys can watch Mr. Mom and see how close she was to being just like Michael Keaton in the movie.
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Say Gerv? My wife is “the provider” for the family, but I feel embarrassed as her husband since that’s supposed to be my job. How can I deal with this and still feel like a man?
Jim, Brookline, MA
I have a question Jim. Who told you that it was your job to be “the provider” for the family?
Look, I know we men have it hard wired into our brains that certain jobs are our responsibility, but the times have changed and it’s time for you to catch up.
Look, you have a beautiful wife that makes big bucks and can hold it down for the family. That’s a woman that I would get behind and support 100%. Marriage is a partnership. That means you should do your part Jim.
Instead of worrying about what other people might say or feeling a certain type of way, you should channel that energy into something positive that will help your family.
You know, maybe like supporting your wife and all the hard work she does to take care of you and the kids.
And for the record making more money than your wife doesn’t make you a man. Treating her with love and respect and setting a good example for your kids does.
Well, it does in my book. If it really does bother you that much Jim then get a better job, go back to school, do whatever you have to do to take the alpha male spot. Push yourself because the only person that can stop you is you.
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Gervase Peterson has made history as the first African-American male in the #1 all-time reality series Survivor. Hollywood is no stranger to Gervase as well after appearing and co-hosting with several national television programs.
