Hi BostonMan! It is summer in the city, which is one of my favorite times of the year in Boston. Thankfully, people are venturing out more frequently, which has been great to see.
I am happy to be back writing another article for my column “Toast of the Town.” It has been surreal to me to be termed “The Carrie Bradshaw of Boston.” It is like a dream come true. I mostly receive questions and comments regarding style and fashion trends. However, once in a while, I will receive messages that center around “hot topics.” One of these topics that people tend to get heated about centers around social media etiquette in relationships.
Over 90% of people have an account on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, or Twitter. Research shows that majority of people spend at least two hours a day on their social media accounts. Research also shows that social media plays a hand in one third of all break ups. Since our phones are often the first and last thing that most of look at each day, I figured this was an important topic to write about.
Before I formed my thoughts, I polled my instagram followers about this topic by asking them a variety of questions. I must say that I tend to agree with the majority on this issue.
BostonMen, I am sure the majority of you scroll social media and literally “like” almost everything. My “girls” and I have concluded that men in general are visual people and focus more on the pictures, and they tend not to always read the captions. Hence, they think nothing of liking the hot girl’s bikini pic they scroll by on their feed, even though her caption may say something like “Who wants to snuggle with me later?”
Women tend to be more analytical and not click the like button if they think their partner will be upset by what a caption says or who is in a pic etc. It is sort of like that theory of men are from Mars and women are from Venus. There is no right or wrong really. We are just different creatures. Now with that said, almost everyone polled agreed that a like button is just a like button. Therefore, the BostonMan remains innocent most of the time by clicking “like.”
There were a few exceptions to this rule which are as follows:
Writing sexually, inappropriate comments on a girl or guy’s page that is not your partner as most social media is public and this can be embarrassing or disrespectful to your partner.
Liking or commenting on every single picture of a certain guy or a certain girl if you are not really a “liker” of everyone’s pics.
Liking or commenting on pics of a guy or girl that your partner really does not get along with or has expressed the fact that they are uncomfortable by this one, particular person for whatever reason.
Liking provocative pics of another guy or girl constantly when they do not always like your own pics.
Many women messaged me in response to my poll about how it drives them crazy when their man likes scantily clad women’s pics (such as an adult entertainer, lingerie model, fitness instructor, etc.) on social media. In fact, over 50% of the woman polled said it had a negative effect on their self-esteem. Boston Ladies, I’m here to tell you, do not feel this way.
Instead, look at it from this perspective:
For decades, men had magazines to look at, which has pretty much been replaced by social media profiles instead. They are visual beings and they will ALWAYS look at females until they take their last breath.
We are just more aware of it now because we can “see it” on social media. The odds of your man meeting one of these women in “real life” is most likely slim to none, so let it go if you can.
Now, if he is giving constant attention to your best friend’s sister who is half dressed in all her pics, perhaps you tell him that makes you a tad uneasy. Get my drift? Pick your battles ladies.
And BostonMan, just be mindful of your partner. If she is a “pretty cool” girl overall and she tells you something is really bothering her that you are doing on social media, then maybe you pick your battles with that too and meet her in the middle with the “likes and comments” and peace will reign.
My final thought on social media and relationships is that if you trust your partner fully, then social media overall, will be a non-issue for 95% of the time. When you wake up or go to sleep with someone you love, social media is completely irrelevant to your relationship. Try not to misconstrue, analyze, or overthink your partner’s social media behavior unless you truly see something with your own eyes that gives you solid evidence of wrongdoing. Until then, enjoy your partner and focus on building your relationship up!
As Carrie Bradshaw once said, “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself, and if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” (Hence, what’s an app got to do with it Boston Man)
Take care and have a fabulous summer and please do not hesitate to reach out to me with any comments or questions at firstname.lastname@example.org on insta @tiffyg77.
Tiffany Giannato is a mother, fashionista, stylist, and shopping addict! Her blogs, pictorials, and fashion tips are aimed towards empowering both women and men to look and feel their best regardless of age. Her “you can be as trendy at 61 as you were at 21” mantra has taken Boston by storm! A true Italian, Tiffany believes family, love, food, and style are always the keys to happiness!